Nine Habits of Exceptionally Patient Parents
Few things in life are as important as how we raise our children, and patience is one of the most important tools in the parenting toolbox. If you can master a few techniques to help you cultivate more patience, you’ll find it easier to deal with your kids’ little mistakes and misbehaviors and develop long-lasting relationships with them as they grow into their own unique personalities and habits. Here are nine habits of exceptionally patient parents.
Talk About Emotions
One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to talk about emotions with your kids. Teach them what an emotion is and how to tell when they are feeling one. Use words like happy, sad, mad, scared, excited or frustrated and talk about why you feel that way. This will help your children to understand feelings and manage their own emotions when they have negative feelings. Managing their emotions helps parents better manage behavior issues in kids without being constantly frustrated by outbursts at home or school.
Give Praise
One factor that can make a huge difference in your child’s motivation and self-esteem is praise. If you show her you believe she has potential, she will be motivated to live up to your expectations. When your child does well at something, take a moment to acknowledge her efforts. Tell her exactly what you like about it and let her know how proud you are of what she’s done. This can boost both her ego and improve overall performance. For example, if your child receives an A on a report card or completes a project, let her know how well she did. Just telling someone they did something well can release dopamine into their brain—reinforcing that doing something good feels good!
Listen Well
Good communication skills are essential to being a good parent, and listening is at its core. Dr. Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline A-Z, says that parents should be mirrors for their children in order to help them grow. Reflect back what you see, she says. Say something like, 'From your tone I can tell you're upset.' Then stop talking. If you want to get kids to open up about why they’re really upset, try modeling how it’s done: Describe exactly how your child is feeling using his or her own words as much as possible—no guesses allowed!
Give Choices
Avoid making demands, such as Get in here now! Instead, offer two acceptable choices: Would you like to wash your hands in the sink or at the kitchen sink? Not only does asking kids for their opinions foster self-confidence, but it also helps prevent power struggles. Just make sure that your toddler has enough time to comply with whatever you've asked her to do. If you demand that she clean up her toys right away and then start putting them away yourself when she's not done yet, you're sending a mixed message—it's do it now or don't bother doing it at all. So give her time to finish what she's doing and then move on.
Let Go of Anger
Holding onto anger is never a good idea. It’s toxic, not only to your relationship with your child but also to you. Anger triggers stress and cortisol in your body and affects relationships in myriad ways—from how you speak to how you listen to how you empathize. When anger is keeping things from getting better, it’s time to let go of that anger and turn towards solutions. Here are some tips for doing just that
Be Consistent
Discipline, even when it doesn’t seem to be working, is key. Consistency is key when it comes to showing your child you mean business and that what they did was wrong. Discipline also teaches children how to control their impulses and gives them practice in self-control. For example, telling your child that video games are off limits after school until homework is done means more if you hold your ground than if you waffle on enforcing rules or take breaks from discipline completely.
Know Your Child’s Limits
One of your child’s greatest strengths is his ability to know when he’s full. At his first birthday, a baby will stop eating if he’s had enough to eat and, as a parent, you should honor that decision. Don’t force your child to eat beyond what he wants. This can lead to overeating later on and could potentially cause long-term health problems. Understand that it may take some time for children to make these decisions, so be sure you let them decide when they have had enough or eaten all they want. Avoid Overindulging Children: Tempting as it may be, remember not to spoil your kids by giving in too much.
Expect Mistakes Section: Laugh and Play
One parent says that one of his greatest parenting lessons came when he started to realize that making mistakes is not only normal, but also an important part of learning. He encourages parents to embrace messes and mistakes, so kids have a chance to learn from them. It's much easier for them to learn if they feel safe enough, he says. If you're afraid someone will get mad at you for trying something and failing, you won't try. That’s why patience is paramount. If a kid makes a mistake or screws up their work, be sure to praise them for what they did right rather than harping on what they did wrong or stressing out about how much time it's going to take to fix everything.